KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
