Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
