I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
