I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
We need to rekindle our bromance
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
