Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
