just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
