She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
