You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
