i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
