she woke up with a sticky ear
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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