I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
