Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
