It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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