Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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