I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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