great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
