I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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