What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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