I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
