Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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