I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
