I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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