the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
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