so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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