Yo dont text me then not text me
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Well I just put wine in my tea
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
