So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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