Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
