On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
