Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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