i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
