just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
