I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
