when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
