Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
