matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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