you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
