I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
