yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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