Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
