so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
My dick has a subreddit
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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