Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
