Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
