i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
