im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
