Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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