Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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