I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
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