is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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