Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
