You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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