Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
