I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
