Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
