Pappa wants mamma naked
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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