walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
