Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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