I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
