dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
porn star boner night. come get it.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
